Decisions !!!!!

I'm turning 30 this year sob sob.... I have been reflecting or rather wrestling with thoughts of growing up and sometimes I wonder what the heck did I do with my life on the other hand I cant be believe how far I have come. I don't know if people i.e normal people go through this but yikes I'm pretty terrified to put it mildly i literally get goose bumps thinking of it. Two issues that are waking me in in cold sweats in the middle of the night.
So I'm studying trying to be a "better" adult don't get me wrong I love what I'm studying psychology its my second degree!! yep I'm a nerd for sure, and I'm left with a year to go then honors and masters. After that wait or it I'm going to enroll and do medicine. The downer here, I didn't study sciences in my A-levels so I have to do a years studying worth of sciences; chemistry, physics and biology to write admission exams. I'm not looking forward to turning 30 but surely looking forward to turning 40. WHY??? I will be a qualified doctor lets just say psychiatrist.

Besides that as I would suppose every healthy woman goes through that phase, CHILDREN. I for one I'm not over worried about having kids, I go through phases but all in all they are minimal I don't think I can count past my five fingers of the time I have been broody by that i mean ohhh thats a cute dress I wanna buy it. On the way to work yesterday I was telling Wayne how kids ruin one"s life. Yeah they are a blessing but hey sometimes I cant help but think selfishly, everything will change I love the way things are I already have kids o worry over ; fudge and jiji but I don't have to loose sleep over their sleeping patterns and all. To make matters worse I'm allergic to any pill so having had my bc out. Its a prayer to God every time of the month for the visit from aunt rose. Is it really worth taking the plunge??? Of course if it was up to mom we would be with four kids by now having been married for four years. Just thinking allowed here.